X + Y = Happily-ever-after?

 Money, status, family...and the works. The definitive parameters for a potential mate – at least in the “arranged marriage” scenario largely prevalent in India. When met, these are believed to be THE formula to ensure a successful “happily ever-after”.

Not as I see it. Well, they certainly ensure a lot of things, the no 1 of which is the predictability factor. Come to think of it: money - predicts buying potential, status – respect in society, and family – predicts culture, decorum and way of life, at least to a large extent.

So once the formula is seemingly met, and D-day whooshes by, the “good boy” and “good girl” settle into the hum and drum of daily life - the grind, and it leaves them well, literally grounded. Whatever happened to everyday life that was supposed to be more beautiful, dreamy, the chirping birds, flitting butterflies and sunny days? Well, the cloud of “role-playing” the husband or wife loomed over all of it!

Error 101. Formula ineffective. Why though? We completely disregarded the correction factor to include the influence of the reality of everyday life – the real look of the partner just out of bed sans make-up, their quirks despite their Ph.D degree, and your ability to love them with all of that!

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior” Hab 3:17-18

The author of this verse, Habakkuk, was able to take joy in God though everything around him had fallen apart, but how? His provider, the One from whose hand all blessings flowed into His life, had chosen to withdraw His hand, by His own Sovereign will. Even then, Habakkuk was able to say “yet I will rejoice in the Lord”. It was only possible because he loved God for the person He is, God Himself, not for the “role” of Provider that God played in his life, or the tangible material things – the figs, grapes, olives, food, sheep, or cattle, all of which symbolized wealth, prosperity and status in those days, that He offered him.

And so it is with your spouse, your soul-mate. Do you think it would be possible for you to enjoy their companionship through a debilitating illness? Or rather, do you think you can enjoy being shut in with them 24x7, for months together during a pandemic!? Do you think you can just enjoy the moments of everyday life with them, with the drill, the bills, and no frills? Most importantly, do you think you can love them for who they are and not for what they offer you?

That, my friend, is not what is missing in the formula, but in fact, the formula itself I’d say, for a successful, and happy marriage.

Stones, dear stones..

 I had walked past the same road about a million, no, gazillion times. To school, back home to gobble a quick lunch at midday, then half-running, half-walking in the tearing hurry to make it in time for class after lunch, and then back home after school in the evening. Not a terribly exciting life, I admit, but, the fact is, I had walked down that same road about a gazillion times.

Never had I imagined that life would take me so far away from the predictable routine that had established itself in my life then. Far from my sheltered home, far from my people, my culture, far from the city that was home. Ten years down the line, I had a new though only slightly different routine, one that involved rushing again, but rushing to catch the morning bus, rushing past crowded streets, streets milling with people speaking in an unfamiliar tongue, rushing past an urban concrete jungle. It was only when I travelled back home after having lived my first six months in this concrete jungle, did I realize where I came from. As the long-distance interstate bus hurtled down the national highway, sparse and scrubby vegetation faded out of view slowly, and the first sight of green – real and true green crept into my line of vision from the stuffy seat that held me, and my heart did a little leap inside. My eyes now glued to the windows, I took in river after river, each brimming with water all the way to the horizon, lined with coconut palms along the banks – and then I instantly and instinctively knew – I was home.  

Some years down the line, thanks ironically to modernization, connectivity was further improved, and I was able to take a flight back home in the rainy month of June. You could bet for all you were worth that I would take a window seat and there I was again, eyes peeled against the window and as we coasted along the same route, albeit this time overhead, and it was the same feeling though multiplied several times over by the altitude-enhanced perspective. No wonder was the coast further down south called God’s Own Country! As far as the eye could behold, hills and vales were swathed in a carpet of green, not an inch left sparse! My heart did a double take again, brimming over with joy and pride.

Fast forward to 2020, the year of the unexpected. The pandemic that outwittingly threw life off-gear has had me homebound for over three months. While the rest of the world scrambled around trying to find their bearings in the turmoil, I was thankful to spend this time with family after many, many years away. With all else grounded, I made it a point to take a walk once a day to keep myself from being sucked into the vortex of the whirlpool called work. And then it happened, again on one very seemingly normal day in the rainy month of June, as I walked by the same road – that same path I had traversed a gazillion times, when my eyes chanced upon the walls along the street. Those walls, betraying every evidence of the paint they once held, the colour having been stripped clear by the incessant rain, were now coated in a decadent green with velvety moss all over. The raw unevenness of the laterite stone, with slight irregularities and holes on the surface of each brick had encouraged tiny shoots to spring up here and there amidst the dense undergrowth of the moss. Suddenly, I knew profoundly - this rather mundane sight that wouldn’t have drawn a second glance otherwise, was so close to my heart, that I had missed these very walls for ten long years, and that the very sight of them evoked a deep sense of love for my city that I hadn’t even known ever existed in me.

“For her stones are dear to your servants; her very dust moves them to pity”. Psalm 102:14 Wouldn’t that be much like the heart of the servants of the Lord for His city Zion? Yes, instantly, this verse penned by the psalmist in the annals of history assumed new meaning and revelation for me. I now knew what King David meant when he said the very stones of the city were dear to the people of the Lord - only with Jerusalem, the depth of emotion and meaning associated with it would be so much more greater!

To go, or not to go, is the question..

 I wondered for the umpteenth time if I was making the right decision to travel back home in the midst of the COVID-19 outbreak. Indeed, the Lord seemed to be leading me towards it – I had a confirmed flight ticket (which later turned out to be the last plane to my destination before the nation-wide shutdown), a colleague-friend I never really talk much to on the phone called, and in the course of conversation offered to drive me to the airport, I had managed the paraphernalia I needed for travel – a mask lent by a housemate and an old pair of safety glasses fished out from the bottom of my old suitcase, only a pair of all-important pair of gloves were still missing. I had taken a quick round in the neighbourhood on the lookout for gloves, only to learn the medical stores were all either shut or out of stock, after which I walked rather aimlessly to the “Uncle-Aunty” shop next-door and wondered aloud as to where I might get a pair – a lo and behold he had one LAST pair.  

It was 8 am, and as I waited by the side of the road for my friend to come pick me up, my dilemma resurfaced, and anxiety loomed large again. It was at this time that the story of Balaam just cropped into my mind, and silently, I found myself telling God – “Look God, Balaam* was stupid. He did not realize where you were leading him. But God, you STILL sent an angel to stop his donkey in his tracks, and made him change his course. Today, God, I might be just as stupid too, but please God, if that is me, please stop my friend from coming through to me, let him just not be able to reach me, and I will simply not go. As simple as that.

To cut the long story short, my friend was able to reach me, pick me up, and despite the multiple security checks, we were given the green signal to go ahead each time. My plan, well, did not go exactly as planned, because when I finally arrived home, it was five hours later than I should have, but despite breathing in the airport “air” for over seven hours, I was indeed home at the end of the day. (Of course I scrubbed and washed so hard, I hope even the ingested air was sanitised!)

That was yesterday. This morning, as I sit to read my devotional, what do I read in my Bible but – “See, I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey, and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you” Exodus 23:20.

I have nothing to say but how faithful is our God!

And not just that – there’s more the Lord had to say.

“Nor should we put Christ to the test, as some of them did, and then died from snake-bites. And don’t grumble as some of them did, and then were destroyed by the angel of death. These things happened to them as examples for us. They were written down to warn us, who live at the end of the age.” -  1 Cor 10: 9-11.

The Word of God truly has instruction for every time and season in our lives!

As we go into a time of lockdown let us approach it with the right spirit and co-operate with every effort by the authorities of our nation. For yes, it was the blood of the lamb on the doorpost of each Israelite house** that kept the Angel of Death away, but do remember that they did have to close the door! Today, as we cover ourselves with the Blood of Jesus, let us also make every effort to take heed and follow every precautionary measure prescribed, so as to not leave any door open for this pestilence to enter our homes and lives. And let us harbour a spirit of praise instead of one of complaint, for we want to welcome not the Angel of Death, but Christ who is “I am the Life” to dwell amongst us!

*(Numbers 22:21-31)
**(Exodus 12)